Closet Poet
by Miran Anders
Summary: ONESHOT that changed its mind, now a series of episode inspired vignettes. Elizabeth finds a quiet outlet for herself. Gently JE, with some shippery goodness. Some spoiling for current season.
1. Private Files

This one just wanted to be written. I love watching Sheppard and Weir be professional on the show… so here you are. Any poetry contained herein is actually mine.

OoOoOoOoO

It was Elizabeth, just ordinary Elizabeth, and _not_ head-of-the-Atlantis-expedition Doctor Weir, who sat down at the small desk in her quarters and sighed. She stared at the monitor of her laptop blankly, the rushing starfield screensaver mildly hypnotic. After a moment she shook herself, grabbed the mouse and clicked quickly past the in-house messages, the staff reports, even the research outlines that Rodney kept asking about.

Buried in a folder labeled 'impressions' inside a folder labeled 'planetary statistics' inside a folder labeled 'to do' were ten more folders, each with a label of letters and numbers. The fourth one down said 'EWP1'. She gave a rueful grin at herself, and wondered just who she thought she was hiding her poetry from.

As she glanced at the most recent entries, she frowned, shook her head, and opened a new document. In her mind's eye she replayed the recent discussion.

OoOoOoOoO

"I have to go back for them."

"John –"

"I'm not going to argue about this. I should have been with them to begin with."

Elizabeth paused, scanned his expression and stance before going on. "Major. They're late, yes. But not that late. Let's give them another hour before we panic."

"I'm not panicking. I'm just saying –"

His sentence was interrupted by a familiar signal. A voice called from the control center nearby. "Off-world activation…" The man watched a moment, then turned with a wide smile. "It's them."

Elizabeth turned to say something to John but stopped when she saw his expression. He had tensed almost imperceptibly until the team of four came through the gate, clearly fine. Then his eyes closed, and there was a relief on his face as his body sagged that was unmistakable, however momentary. Feeling that she had somehow intruded, she was about to look away when he looked at her with his usual easy-going expression.

"Well. Looks like no worries, then." With a grin he headed down to the team.

Elizabeth stood and watched.

She knew the feeling.

OoOoOoOoOoO

Sitting now, staring at the screen, her fingers danced across the keys, her emotions spilling out in the safest outlet she had.

_I can see behind your eyes  
the expression that hides your thoughts so well  
hides nothing from me  
I can feel the anxiety  
that bubbles up  
through the bedrock of your facade_

_when every eye looks to you  
remember I am here_

_I can see beyond the noble bearing  
so firmly held, so well controlled  
to the tension that holds you  
and know that if I laid a hand upon that arm  
there would be a shudder in the stone_

_when every voice calls for your decision  
remember I am here_

_I can see beneath the mask  
so confident, composed  
the very image of a hero  
sitting lightly in our midst  
I feel when our eyes meet  
you know the truth_

_when your doubt extends to your very self_

_remember_

She stopped, read it over once more. Her radio signaled and she answered automatically.

"Weir."

"Elizabeth? It's Sheppard. We're ready to brief you on the last mission. And Rodney thinks –" a voice interrupted the transmission.

"You don't have to tell her what I think. I'll tell her what I think. Just tell her that –"

Elizabeth sighed, but Doctor Weir answered.

"I'm on my way."

With a nod, she saved the document, buried the poems and the emotions that went with them deep under the load of work.

Someday things might change. Someday she might even show him her poetry.

OoOoO

Please feed the author...


	2. Midnight Write

I had intended for this to be a one-shot... but watching the season opener got me started all over again. Some spoiling for Siege III, I'm afraid.

OoOoOoOoO

It had been days since Elizabeth was able to sit down at her computer, and it felt more like weeks. Once everything had settled down she had slept briefly, and when she woke, oddly enough, it was hunger that encouraged her to climb out of bed. With a yawn she pulled on the bottoms of her soft knit pj's, deciding to brave the halls and walk down to the mess for something healthy. Some fruit, perhaps.

_Who am I kidding. Ice cream... chocolate...a glass of that wine Teyla brought... _ she chuckled quietly at herself, and found that instead of walking out the door she had automatically parked herself in front of the laptop. As she opened her private files, she thought back over the last several days with a sigh.

OoOoO

_She stood, unmoving as a stone, watching the sensors indicate that Major John Sheppard was drawing closer and closer to the huge hive ship. She watched as the dot onscreen vanished, taking a larger dot with it.  
So simple. Dots. So... meaningless.  
"He did it."  
The head of Atlantis Doctor Weir felt a brief victory in the destruction of this seemingly unbeatable foe, but the woman Elizabeth felt a tremble run through her. He did it. He beat them, he won.  
He was gone. _

OoOoO

For a moment, sitting at her desk, she felt the way she had at that moment. Felt the shock run through her, knowing what it truly meant to be stunned. Felt the – she hesitated to admit it - despair.

But everything had happened so quickly, and even though it felt like months, it had only been a matter of hours before Major John Sheppard had appeared with a compliment of guards, walking toward her. She remembered how they looked into each other's eyes. How somehow, neither one believed the other was alive and safe until they saw each other in the flesh.

She had walked toward him, her eyes not leaving his. Without thinking beyond her relief, she put her arms around him, reveling in the tactile reassurance of his presence, radiating thankfulness for what he had been willing to do, and even more so for his return. She felt him stiffen momentarily in military surprise, then gently return her embrace. She remembered their quiet admissions of their fear.

Elizabeth sighed. She opened a new document.

_thinking we had lost you _

She stopped, frowned. Part of the deal she had with herself was that when she wrote in this poetry journal, she was absolutely honest. A quick deletion and retype, and she continued.

_thinking I had lost you  
a part of myself died there with you  
scattered over this ancient ocean world  
death once more reared his ugly head  
unwelcome, frequent visitor that he is_

She stopped again, wiped at her eyes quickly.

_yet there you stand, survivor that you are  
eyes dark with the weariness of battle  
yet bright somehow with something more  
unless, foolish and fond, I misinterpret that gaze_

Elizabeth stared for a few minutes at the screen, shook her head. With practiced ease, she saved put the work in progress away. Saving her work, even if she never actually worked on it again, was another part of the deal. Stretching and brushing her fingers back through her hair, she decided to give the mess a try after all.

It wasn't until she was halfway there that she realized she was padding down the hall barefoot. She heard herself giggle and was trying to stop, when she heard a voice. "I'm afraid I can't recommend barefoot giggling in the corridors, Doctor Weir."

Her lips pursed in a suppressed grin as she turned to see the unkempt hair and smiling eyes of John Sheppard.

"Is that a military recommendation, Major?"

"Simple common sense." He let the smile reach his lips and glanced down at the floor for a moment, almost shy. "At least, that's what my mother always said."

"I see."

They looked at each other for a few moments, until something gave them both a case of embarrassed look-aways. Perhaps it was the fact that they were both standing in the corridor, alone, at night... in their pajamas.

"Listen, Elizabeth. I wanted to tell you..."

"Yes?"

He tilted his head to the side, scratched his head. "I didn't want you to think that I didn't – that I wasn't –'

John stopped with an exasperated sigh and Elizabeth frowned. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just wanted to – oh, what the hell." He stepped forward and gave her a huge hug, lifting her right off the ground and squeezing her so tightly that she squeaked a laugh.

"John!"

He set her down more gently, but kept his arms around her. "That's what I wanted to do when I saw you. It's just... you know. Protocol. The uniform."

She gave an amused grin. "The guys."

"Right."

Slowly the formality settled back over them, and he squeezed her shoulders before letting her go.

They both began to speak at once.

"I was just going –"

"No, go ahead-"

They stopped, stared at each other, and John coughed a laugh. "You wanna get something to eat?"

"That's what I was hoping for."

They walked shoulder to shoulder down to the mess hall. As they reached the steps into the large, sparsely populated room, Elizabeth looked down at the floor.

"John." He looked at her, his eyebrows questioning her stern tone. "You're barefoot too."

"Yeah, but I'm a professional. You have to have years of training to walk barefoot in an alien galaxy."

"I see."

Their smirking expressions grew more formal as the few men on break from the night crew looked up and acknowledged the presence of their leaders. John stopped automatically to check in with the night watch, and Elizabeth discussed possibilities with the research staff that was taking a break, too excited to sleep yet.

But eventually they found a bottle of Teyla's wine, taking it out on a balcony along with some cheese and fruit. They sat quietly for a long time under the stars, until John pointed up at a particularly bright grouping. "I think that looks like a turtle."

"A turtle?" She squinted up at it, sipped her wine.

"Yeah. See?" He gestured with a slice of what he would always think of as Althosian apple, even though it looked purple and tasted more like peach. "It's even got the little red mark on the side of it's head."

Elizabeth stared, then smiled easily. "Okay. I give. It's a nebula, though."

"Nebula?"

"The red mark."

"Then it should be the Turtle's Head nebula, and the constellation should be called The Turtle." He paused a moment and sipped. "And I think that as military head of Atlantis, I should get final word in naming... everything." He looked at her with such smug assurance, she had to laugh. "What? It's a matter of... security."

"Of course."

For a while they looked up at the stars, finding pictures like children looking at clouds on a summer day. Soon they were lying on their backs, side by side, pointing and arguing about what they saw, enjoying the ease of the moment.

And eventually, Elizabeth wrote more poetry.


	3. Coming Home

Elizabeth stared out into the swirling starfield.

Somehow, this trip was taking impossibly long. The days were simply not passing fast enough. And she didn't know if it was because she wanted to get as far away from Simon as possible, or because this trip to Earth had made it inescapably clear that Atlantis was now her only true home.

Pulling a small notebook from inside her jacket, she read over her latest, promising herself that it would go into the laptop as soon as she got back... home. It had been written just one day before the ship left Earth's orbit.

_alone  
how can you not know after all these years  
I am so alone  
could it be my act is so intact  
that I can fool even you  
or is that really such an accomplishment_

_alone  
and struggling with mere existence today  
when your voice on the phone hits far below the belt  
...there's a few of your things, I think you might want...  
calmly I acknowledge this civilized arrangement  
when in the background  
after goodbye and just before the connection breaks_

_I hear her voice_

_stare for a moment at the phone  
lay back onto fresh bedding  
and without warning  
sobs wrench from my very soul  
the threads torn away  
fresh blood spilling_

_alone  
sometimes the pain comes back so strong  
like a bad ankle on a cold winter day  
out of context  
screaming  
sometimes  
it gets kicked all the way from her house_

_alone_

She tucked the notebook away with a deep breath and stared out through the view screen silently. That is, until her military head walked over, looking and sounding like a twelve year old who just got his Eagle Scout badge. In spite of her mood, she shook her head as she teased him about his promotion.

He sat down at the table, a small grin escaping. "You don't understand. Some people never thought I would make it past 'Captain'." There was something under his delivery that spoke sincerely of surprise.

Doctor Weir sat back in her chair, nursing her hot chocolate. Her solemn green eyes looked into his, but her lips seemed to be trying very hard not to smile. "Evidently someone whose opinion mattered felt differently."

Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard looked at her with a calculating expression, his eyes narrowing as he considered just who might have that kind of sway with the military, Stargate Command, and the international community that was supporting this project. For a moment, he considered asking if she had been involved... but then he stopped. He wondered if he really wanted confirmation that Elizabeth was responsible for his promotion.

Part of him was delighted that the civilian commander of Atlantis thought so much of his work that she would push for him to stay on as the officer in charge. Another part, a less secure part, was concerned that her trust was misplaced... that he really _wasn't_ up for this command...

He swallowed the insecurity as he had a thousand times before. "So." His tone made Doctor Weir raise her eyebrows, and he went on in the hopes of changing the subject. "How was your trip home? Apart from the unending interviews." He hadn't expected her eyes to take that suddenly subdued cast, for her expression to change to something he wasn't accustomed to. "Elizabeth?"

"It was fine." She paused a moment, a false smile flashing briefly across her face.

"Right." He looked at her dubiously, but didn't push it as she changed the subject.

"How about you? How did it go with Aiden's family?"

He stared at the table top, not quite able to look up at her. "It was - fine."

"Ah."

They were interrupted by a crewman, both glad for it at the moment, although not for long.

Things moved quickly after that.

It wasn't until much later that she realized just how surprisingly calm she had been when John and Rodney flew after a renegade fighter toward a blazing star. How well they worked as a team, with his uncommon bravery and determination, and her ability to lend calm organization to his efforts. How she never questioned that he would make it back to them.

To her.

Back at Atlantis two nights later, Doctor Elizabeth Weir and Colonol John Sheppard stood out on her favorite balcony, close enough to the control center to make sure everything was settling in, but private enough to have a quiet conversation.

Somehow out in the darkness, with stars giving them the barest light, it was easier to talk about fears and hurts. Easier to stand, leaning on the railing, with a friend. He eventually told her about Aiden's cousin, about his own concerns. She took a deep breath and finally told him about Simon. And after a pause, when he saw that she was dangerously close to tears, it was John who abruptly pointed up at the sky. "You figure out what to call that one yet?" She frowned at the stars, welcoming this distraction.

"It's just a big X, John. You should call it X."

"Nah." His eyes narrowed as he stared. "I think it's... the TIE Fighter."

She turned and looked at him, incredulous, then laughed when she saw the serious look in his eye.

"What? Luke came from a galaxy far, far away... and since we're in one..."

They abruptly found themselves deep in a pleasantly distracting discussion of Lucas's galaxy, and the sky was changing color when John yawned, shaking his head in embarrassment.

"Guess we better call it a night."

"Especially since you have to check on the mainland tomorrow."

"Right..." He brushed a hand over her shoulder companionably. "G'night, Elizabeth."

"Good night, John. And... thank you." She smiled into his eyes and watched as he turned to go with a nod, feeling an odd little pang in her chest as he did. Abruptly he stopped, turned around, and impulsively gave her a quick hug, her head under his chin. "Sleep well," he said in a bare whisper, and then he was gone.

Elizabeth stood frozen for a long moment. She could have sworn she felt his lips brush against her hair.

Back in her quarters, Doctor Weir sat down at her laptop, and began a new page.


	4. Common Ground

A tag of sorts for "Common Ground", Closet Poet style.

oooOOOooo

Dr. Kate Heightmeyer watched carefully as Elizabeth blinked at her, leaned forward abruptly to pick up her tea mug and take an unsteady sip, then set it down, straightening her shirt with a suddenly brisk, businesslike air.

"I'm sorry, what did you ask?"

The counselor couldn't help grinning. "I asked, Elizabeth, if you've been sleeping well since Colonel Sheppard's ordeal."

"I'd think he'd be the one you'd have to ask -"

"Doctor Weir…"

Elizabeth stopped, dropped her head for a moment, before speaking quietly. "I'm sorry, Kate. I just-"

Dr. Heightmeyer waited for her to finish, saw her shoulders tremble, and took a deep breath. This might be worse than she thought. But the team leader for Atlantis pulled herself upright, even though her eyes were shining sadly.

"- it's just that… I'm the one who let it happen."

"You weren't the one torturing him, Elizabeth."

"No. But I could have stopped it. I could have stopped it like that." She snapped her fingers and looked away, pushing her hand back through her hair. "And now… " She paused for a moment, looked back at the counselor as if she were in charge once more. "Is Colonel Sheppard doing all right?"

Kate didn't flinch, although her voice became every bit as professional as Weir's. "According to Carson's report, he's doing fine."

"You know what I mean."

"And you know that I'll tell you - as is my sworn responsibility- if and when Colonel Sheppard is not fit to perform his duties."

Elizabeth's eyes flared for just a moment, before she dropped them to her hands, which twisted in her lap fitfully. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to suggest… you know."

"I do." The doctor picked up her own mug and sipped her coffee, wondering how long it would take for the lead team of Atlantis to come to terms with Sheppard's capture and torture. Interestingly enough, John's forced session with her – a military obligation she had only been able to enforce with Carson's help - had made it clear that he wasn't still tormented by the physical abuse. At least, not as much as some other issues he had. Kate sighed. "I can tell you this much, Elizabeth, or remind you of it, since you've seen his service records as well as I have. He's dealt with capture before. He's dealt with 'physical abuse', as he cavalierly calls this episode, although as far as I'm concerned it is far different."

"He doesn't consider having the life sucked out of him a distinctly _unique_ kind of – 'physical abuse'?"

She gave a wry smile. "You know John."

Elizabeth shook her head and chuckled quietly. Her eyes grew more serious. "We're fortunate to have him."

"I agree. And the point, Elizabeth, is that we _do_ still have him."

"I know."

Kate waited a moment while the leader of Atlantis took a few deep breaths, recollecting herself. "Have you spoken with him yet?"

"The debriefing was yesterday, after Carson released him."

"Yes, but have _you_ spoken with him, Elizabeth. That was the question."

Elizabeth shrugged, looked off toward the windows that showed an ocean of horizon. "I've been giving him space." She looked up as Kate pursed her lips doubtfully. "All right. I want to, I think. I guess I'm not sure how well I'll hold together."

"Who says you have to?"

oooOOOooo

The night was cool and still after the afternoon rain, with barely a breeze moving across the island of a city. The cloudcover was breaking into feathery wisps that let the moonlight through with a silvery glow, and finally thinned enough that the stars shone through with a gossamer glimmer.

Elizabeth Weir stood in the dark, the lightspill from the windows near her balcony giving just enough light to read from the notebook she wrote in. Or _tried_ to write in. With a frustrated groan she scratched out a word, dropped her forehead against the book that rested in turn against the railing. "This is ridiculous." Lifting her head and looking out across the ocean, she took a deep breath. _Maybe if I could just cry and get it over with…_ Elizabeth hadn't really cried since they'd got John back from the Genii, although she'd come close. Hell, she felt like she was _living_ close to tears these days, like the glass was already overfull and the only thing keeping it from spilling was surface tension. She stared again at the notebook and tried to find the words she wanted. Tearing out the page, she was about to crumple it when instinctively she tensed as the door behind her opened.

"Ah… Elizabeth?"

She stiffened even more as she heard whose voice it was. Unfortunately for her sense of propriety, she found that she sniffed once before speaking. "Yes, Colonel?"

John stepped closer, frowning at her back. "Elizabeth? Are you alright?" He glanced at the page she tried to quickly cover, and his head dropped to one side in exasperation. "Don't tell me that idiot wrote you again, asking for his toothbrush or something."

"What?" Elizabeth turned, frowning in confusion, until it abruptly hit her just what he was talking about. _Simon_. She had told him some time ago about a message she'd received asking for some books of his that she still had… and now, after all that he'd been through, John was worried that she was upset about _Simon_? Dumbfounded, she stuttered out an answer. "No… no, it's not… him. I –" She stopped, uncomfortable, as his expression mirrored her own.

"Well… good. Listen, Elizabeth. I just wanted to thank you."

Her eyes widened. "You… want to…_thank_ me?"

"Yeah." He leaned over the railing, looked down at the water. When he spoke again, his voice was quiet. "I've had to send men into battle. I've had to make choices for the 'greater good'. I know how hard it can be. At least in the military we get training for it." He turned so he was leaning sideways against the rail, and looked at her sincerely. "Thanks for listening to me when I was trapped there."

Doctor Weir took a deep breath, her voice low and shaky. "There wasn't anything else I could do –"

Distracted, John cut her off. "You know, I got a call last night from General O'Neill. We compared notes about being captured, and whether it was better to have the life drained out of you, or to be killed over and over again and brought back to life… I think he won." He grinned and she shook her head in disbelief at his calm. "Honestly, Elizabeth. I appreciate your deference to my order. It would have killed me if I didn't think you respected my -"

He was cut off as she threw her arms around him, choking out the sobs that had finally surfaced. "Damn it, John."

Sheppard's eyebrows lifted as he slowly put his arms around her, holding her for a long while as she wept quietly into his shoulder. "Elizabeth?"

"I was so… " She shook her head, stepped back and looked at him for a long moment, wiping her eyes. It was Doctor Weir who spoke through her tears. "I'm glad you're alright. We need you here. I …"

Weir inhaled quickly, turned and almost flew through the doors to the balcony, not noticing the paper that fluttered loose and fell to the floor as she appeared to nearly run away. John saw the sheet, grabbed it as it fell in the still night. "Elizabeth?"

He watched her back through the window as she exited the gate room, heading toward the living quarters. Frowning, he looked down at the paper, hard to read in the dim light, covered with scribbles and scratched out lines. If it hadn't been so dark, he probably wouldn't have even _tried_ to read her personal papers... but there was just enough light that he could.

_I held your life in my hands  
a precious, shining star  
that illuminated my every day_

_and in a moment  
I watched that light grow dim  
knowing that I had the power  
to bring you back_

_knowing I had the power  
to end the torment I saw  
tearing you apart  
tearing me_

_knowing I could not_

_knowing this could end everything  
any possibility_

_knowing_

The words ended with a few scribbled lines, as if the author had simply given up on trying to express her feelings. John stared at the page, reading and rereading it. Finally, he folded it carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.

Glancing once more at the stars, he headed inside, finding his way through the halls to Elizabeth's quarters.

It seemed they needed to talk.

oooOOOooo


	5. Common Ground part deux

Okay. I'm breaking my own rules of my game here and writing a second part to my "Common Ground" tag. These are all supposed to be one piece shorts, so this is actually chapter four 'a', or something - hope you don't mind.

oooOOOooo

Immersed in thought, John walked down the corridors toward Elizabeth's quarters.

A group of technicians passed him, and while he returned their smiles outwardly, his mind was somewhere else entirely. So much so that when he reached the intersection that led either to his rooms or Elizabeth's, depending on which turning he took, he stopped, frowning at the floor long enough to draw a few confused looks from passers-by.

A familiar yet annoyed voice broke through his reverie. "So are you just going to stand there, or are you going to answer me?"

Sheppard looked up, startled. "Rodney?"

"No, I just look like him. What's wrong with you? I asked you a question."

"You did not."

"I did! You're just not paying any attention!"

"All right, all right, calm down. Just tell me what you want."

Rodney opened his mouth and raised an index finger, then stopped abruptly. "Are you feeling all right? You look funny."

John exhaled, silently counting prime numbers in his mind as he automatically did when dealing with the man who was one of his closest and most frustrating friends. "I'm fine. I just - have a meeting."

"With this particular hallway, or Atlantis in general? Because if you need to see the whole city -"

"Rodney –"

"Fine. Listen. Just save some time for tomorrow afternoon. We need to go over those devices we found in sector five, and since you're the great tripper of ancient technology -"

"Okay, okay. I'll –" But Rodney had turned to stride away in a huff, an fruitless but frequent exercise which always made John laugh in spite of himself. "I'll see you in the morning, Rodney."

John collected his thoughts, remembered where he was heading – and stopped. Something about what Rodney said made him think. _ Atlantis. The whole city. _ With a nod, he turned toward his own quarters, absently unlocked the door with a thought, and stepped inside for no more than a minute. When he left, he was tucking a small notebook in his pocket, heading with some speed toward Elizabeth's rooms.

oooOOOooo

Elizabeth finished putting away her laundry, turned to survey the domain of her room, and sat on the bed with a sigh. After arriving at her quarters and realizing that the page she was going to discard had evidently fallen, she had totally run out of things to distract her from feeling like an idiot, and was dangerously close to crying again. For the umpteenth time she hoped that the breeze had carried it over the edge of the balcony. As she flopped hopelessly back on the bed, the lights in her room abruptly went dark.

She frowned, waited a moment, and had reached for her radio when they abruptly went on again, then off, then on. Tilting her head curiously, she stood and opened her door –

-and looked into the hazel eyes of John Sheppard.

"John?"

"Hey."

"Ah… did the power just go out? My lights –"

"Yeah. No. That was me."

She frowned at him as her eyes widened, her arms crossing automatically across her chest as she tilted her head. "You?"

"Yeah. I wanted to talk to you, but I didn't want to, well… I don't know. Make you nervous or anything."

Elizabeth's eyes sparkled in amusement, a smile quirking her lips. "And you didn't think you could accomplish this by just, oh, knocking?"

"Oh, sure, if I wanted to be _boring_…"

He smiled and looked down as she laughed, satisfied that he really had broken the tension between them. "Can I come in for a minute?"

She nodded, stepping aside so he could walk into her rooms. Sometimes it annoyed her that he could throw her off so quickly… but today, she was happy for it.

He leaned against her desk and looked around, speaking casually. "So… you took off kind of fast."

It was her turn to look down. "Colonel –"

"No. It was 'John', remember?"

She looked into his eyes and frowned. "Well, that's the problem, isn't it."

"No."

The feigned humor left her face. "No?"

He took a deep breath before stepping closer to her, his hands on her shoulders. "Elizabeth. You're my friend. Apart from any professional obligations either one of us has, you're my friend. And … I value that." She looked down again, unsteadily. "I mean it. However awkward it is, if we didn't worry about each other, I think it would just be… weird."

She exhaled a laugh in spite of herself. "_Weird_, John?"

"Yeah. And seeing you upset about being upset about me, well…"

Elizabeth looked into his eyes, so sincere, so concerned. "John… I…"

"Don't say anything. Just… don't." He gently enfolded her in his arms, holding her tight. "Just be my friend."

For several minutes they stood there, as Elizabeth sniffed into his shoulder and he stroked her hair.

Finally she pulled back slightly, to look up into his eyes. "John?"

He returned her gaze. "Yes?"

"I'm glad you're all right."

"Me too."

She laughed quietly. "So… we're okay?"

"We're more than okay." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead softly. "We're comfortable."

She nodded and stepped back, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. "Well, I'm glad to hear that."

"Yeah." He rubbed a hand over her arm and turned to go, stopping at the door. For a moment he hesitated, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a notebook. "By the way. You're not the only one who Kate has writing things…"

"Oh? Oh, good Lord…" Elizabeth colored slightly as she realized where her poem must have fallen.

"Yeah. But I'm not very good at it, so I don't take this out of my room. Except for now." Opening the book, he tore off a page and conspicuously dropped it to the floor. "Fair's fair. See you tomorrow morning." He walked out without another word.

Elizabeth's brow furrowed as her eyes dropped from the closed door to the paper lying on the floor. She picked it up and read it slowly.

_E._

_I've never had a lot of respect for authority  
work the moment, not the orders  
know the responsibility to my team, the goal  
nothing else_

_but here I am  
responsible for so much more  
this group that spans a city  
and me, sworn to protect and defend  
every last cook, technician, soldier, scientist_

_trying to hold their lives, fragile as glass, here inside my vest_

_sometimes it's too much for this rebel to bear  
sometimes I want to run  
not that I ever could  
but still_

_a whole city is far too much to carry  
here inside my vest  
too much to actually believe in  
so every mission  
as I leave my too-big city behind  
I look up into a face I can believe in_

_  
and even while the confidence and trust I see there  
blows my mind  
at least I know that there is one  
one that I feel capable of protecting  
one that has my respect  
one who is the heart and soul of my city_

_kept here, under my vest_

_close to my heart_

Elizabeth blinked, swallowed, read it again. With a surprised smile curving her lips, she folded the paper carefully and looked around her room, finally tucking it under a framed picture on her nightstand. A picture that a gateroom technician captured of Colonel John Sheppard and his team as they returned from a mission, joined by the civilian leader of Atlantis, Doctor Elizabeth Weir. The picture had been taken just as they looked at each other, and there was something in their eyes…

With a shivery feeling of relief, Elizabeth sat down at her laptop, and after a few minutes, began to write.

oooOOOooo


End file.
